to be dissatisfied

phantom feeling
i am lacking the substance which you seek
while you remain always just out of reach
linger your scent on the tip of my mind
brush it away with the passing of time.

color of caramel against cafe au lait
i long to kiss your lengthened wrists, even to this day.
mandalas and wooden beads your personal rosaries
yet i cling to promises, to dreams, and a memory.


that is all i am brave enough to recall. do you love me, you would ask. are you in love with me? (some things don't need answers, they are written on the windows of the soul). samadhi will be here soon, hopefully not sooner than anticipated. the cleansing process is much harder than i had imagined. breaking into silent tears in an instant, feeling numb for the remainder of a day,
it's probably best that i try not to reach you; i find myself feeling more and more abandoned. you think i have no right. i don't know that i'll ever be able to put this behind me, even if i give my word. i doubt i would give my word on something so foolish.
there were beautiful things beneath the surface which were never given precedence to the already exploding supernova of your intentions. if i'd have know you had already made a firm life for yourself, i'd have never dreamed of falling into place. a woman never intends to be anything less than number one, and you know that.